From DINKs to BOINKS In One Weekend

All whilst in one of the most beautiful places in the world

Until recently, Isaac and I have proudly been DINKs- Duel Income, No Kids.  Being DINKs has meant that even on our modest teacher salaries, we can indulge where we want as long as we save in other places.  For example, back in Marin, we paired back on online purchases and drove modest dependable cars we bought used so we wouldn’t have a car payment.  Skimping in those areas meant we could spend on fancy wine, big dinners, and most of all- trips! Like the one we took to this olive oil farm in Greece two spring breaks ago!  Go there if only to sit in the womb lounge.

Now, we’ve gone from DINKs to BOINKs- Barely One Income, No Kids.  Being BOINKs is fine, because we’re in South America and things are cheaper, but not always- which is where us crafty BOINKs use our DINKy skills.  Ok, I’ll stop now.

Since we’ve arrived in Paraguay, we’ve been told to find a weekend and go to Iguazú Falls. With about 275 different waterfalls, it’s the biggest waterfall in the world.  It’s like Niagra on steroids.  You can’t take a picture of it because it’s spread out over 1.7 miles. I found myself taking video after video, slow plans galore, but that can’t capture it either.  Maybe that’s just how some things have to be.  You must go and see it for yourself.  

And that’s what people said.  Go.  Make the time.  See the falls.  But they also said different things.  Take the overnight bus!  It’s easy!  It’s luxurious- you can almost lay down.  They even bring you dessert.  Others said, no way.  Fly.  And stay at the Belmond.  Stay at the Belmond.  Oh, the Belmond  Stay there.  Anyone who said it to us almost whispered.  Maybe out of embarrassment?  Maybe rapture?  Either way, my BOINKy little ears perked up.

What’s the Belmond and why is it such a thing?  Well, the Belmond is a hotel inside the Brazilian side of Iguazú National Park owned by the Brazilian government.  For those of have been to Yosemite, it’s like the Ahwahnee Lodge.  Elegance is just the start.  This hotel is the lap of luxury, but it also gives you unfettered access to Iguazú Falls before and after the park closes to the public.  The only people allowed out on the viewing platforms and trails are the hotel guests.  Sunrise?  Sunset?  Yep- just you and the falls.  And the 798 species of butterflies.

So, Isaac and I put our BOINKy little heads together and decided to go for it.  This would be, BY FAR, the most expensive hotel we have ever stayed at, but with just one weekend to experience a literal WONDER OF THE WORLD!!!!- it would give us so much more time.  We would use ALL OUR CREDIT CARD POINTS (all of them!) to book a room at the Belmond, but we only had enough points for one night, so we employed our strategy of skimp and spend.  We’d fly on our favorite airline, Paranair for only $100.  While this is more expensive than the overnight bus, it’s still a cheap flight, would give us more time, and let’s face it- we’re too old for overnight buses.  

We decided to spend Friday night in the Brazilian border town of Foz to save some money. We stayed at a basic hotel and went out to a $7 dinner- which was honestly, one of the best dinners I’ve ever had.  Then, Saturday morning, we hightailed it to the Belmond.  

Something I appreciated about this hotel- they get it.  We arrived hours before check in and they led us to our room without any fuss.  They had our welcome drink and chocolate ready, booked us a spot on the 2pm boat tour, recommended the 1pm feijoada lunch buffet, and told us that since our flight wasn’t until later on Sunday, we could have a late checkout and leave when we pleased.  They understand you are there to see the waterfall and they make it all as easy as possible.  We plopped down our bags, grabbed our raincoats (it was pouring) and marched straight to the falls.  It wasn’t far- you walk down the steps of the hotel and there you are.  

We walked the length of the park at least three times in the 24 hours we were there.  Once right when we arrived, once at sunset, once just after sunrise the next morning, and we walked a good length of it one more time right before we left.  Each time, I noticed another section of the falls I hadn’t before.  You just can’t take it all in.  

Our boat tour tried to help us take it all in- literally.  I expected something like The Maid of the Mist in Niagara, a gentle boat ride that takes you up to the mouth of the falls, lets you get soaked in the overspray, and makes you laugh nervously at the power of the water.  But this is Brazil.  I should have known.  The New Yorker I was sitting next to kept saying “Oh god.  Oh! God!” I couldn’t see what she saw.  I was in the middle and the nose of the boat was lifted from the speed, blocking my view of the river.  

“What are you Oh God-ing?” I asked.  “You’re making me nervous!”  

“I can see the other boats,” she said.  

And then our driver hit the throttle.  He zoomed through the rapids, making tight turns and bouncing through the current to splash us riders.  Ok, Brazil.  I see you.  Then, they took us to the mouth of one, luckily smaller, section of the falls.  They turned the motor off to let us take photos and videos and to hear the sound of the water.  Then… they drove us straight into it.  Again and again. And again.  

There were creatures everywhere.  Giant spiders, vultures circling, these long nosed raccoon like things called coatis, little birds with shimmering turquoise feathers (turquoise honeycreepers?), warning signs about panthers (we didn’t see any).  Watching the falls at sunset from the upper viewing platform, we noticed little swallow-like birds called Great Dusky Swifts jetting straight into the curtain of the falls.  They make their nests inside the falls!  We saw one radiant toucan.  And of course, all those butterflies.  It was magical.

As we sat outside the Belmond, bags packed, waiting for our taxi to take us back to the airport, I dared to say, “Well, this was perfect.”  It was… and then the travel gods laughed at us.  

As we walked into the dilapidated airport in Ciudad Del Este, the Paraguayan city right on the border of Brazil, I noticed it was practically silent and empty.  I ignored this but shouldn’t have.  At the check in counter, the Paranair employee looked at me with the saddest eyes as I shyly said, “Vuelo a Asunción.”  Nope.  Our flight home was canceled.  A week ago.  Paranair had a communication error and they didn’t let us know.  There were no other flights today.  To anywhere.  The next flight back, tomorrow night.  

There was no Belmond in Ciudad del Este, a city known for its tax exempt status and general illicit dealings.  It’s not a place you stay.  It’s seedy at best.  There’s a black market for human organs.  It’s a place you get the hell out of.  So guess what we did?  We bought a dinner of Pringles, peanuts, and a Kit Kat bar and got on that damn bus. It was not easy or luxurious.  They did not give us dessert. It was dirty.  My phone was not charged and I did not have headphones.  It took six hours.  

The beauty of things must be that they end.

PS- For those of you who don’t already know, Isaac also has a Substack.  Since he’s a teacher, he’s going by Nathan Sullivan.  While mine is a steady travelog with spots of middle aged existential dread, Isaac’s is more of a cinematic fever dream.  Highly recommend!